Friday, March 15, 2013

I really need to get over my writer's block

Two years ago today/night I was in a delivery room being induced and trying to have fun while I was hooked up to an IV of pitocin, a fetal heart monitor, standing at the side of my bed swaying back and forth like my life depended on each and every sway. I was cracking jokes and taking only a moment to pause mid thought when my contractions were too much to talk through. I tried every distraction technique I could come up with including watching "The Social Network" while posting to a social network.

I filled the room with many distractions, because unlike my previous live-birth where I wasn't certain everything would go well with Opal's delivery. I wasn't the least bit certain the universe would shine on me and smile that day. Every time that fetal monitor paused for a half beat to long or Opal moved I had move the little dodad to find her heart tone again my heart would skip a beat. And for a fleeting moment I would worry that I would leave the hospital without this baby girl too.  I was less than a 10 feet away from room where I gave birth to Owen Samuel and maybe 15' from where I last heard Olive Lucy's heart tones over the fetal monitor the night before she was stillborn. I was not prepared for the surreal experience of giving birth to a baby that looked and felt so much like the baby I never got to bring home.

As the hours ticked by today I found myself thinking about Olive Lucy & Opal Lenore often, I wondered how long I will be able to look into the face of my beautiful living daughter and see the face of the one little girl I only saw for a handful of hours. I wonder about Lucy everyday. Today wondered if Owen Samuel is right and they are the *same* baby. crazy rambling nonsense right? maybe, maybe not. Either way I feel blessed to be the mom to such an amazing little girl. Opal Lenore brought another kind of joy into our life when she was born. Happy almost Birthday to our most adorable 2nd daughter who gives us a glimmer of Lucy each and every day she is in our life. what a special gift Opal  is for us.

Opal & Peanut


MommaClown & 2 BabyClowns


ClownFamily Oct 2012


Opal Lenore age 20 months
Owen Samuel Danger age 4