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The birth story

this story has some minor scary moments. it has taken me some time to get it all down and processed. If you know me you know that close call stories are stories i don't like to read or hear.  i feel like they flaunt one's joyus outcome in the face of a mother that had a loss. an bring to question the very thing we fear --if only the circumstance was different than our outcome could have been different. OSD's story isn't so much a close call story as thank you universe thing but some might see it as a close call. and i don't blame any one for skipping it over. 

I went in to labor on my own at around 2:45 am... i woke up with some good strong contractions.

did some breathing through them... not so bad. got up wen to the bathroom and i was bleeding. NOT GOOD.

called L& D and spoke with a PA told her i was coming in and paging Dr. Hellraiser on my way.

woke up watson. got dressed and told  mom we were leaving to hospital and that we would get in touch.

got to hospital and was still bleeding not a lot but enough to worry me. waited for my room we had best room in the house. next door to the room we delivered Lucy in, but this one was made over into state of the art delivery room. high tech.

once i was settled in exam was done i was was at 4 cm & 70 % effaced. not bad. that was around 5 am ish. 6 am Dr. Rockstar got in he was bummed i didn't wake him up at 3 am with my call. if only all Dr. were so freaking COOL! (i am sure his new wife would have loved that wake up call) anyway around  9 am ish Dr. Rockstar does another check an NO change... writes orders to start pitocin. he'll be back around 1pm to deliver me he has to do clinic hours across the street. no sweat i am only 4cm 1 pm shouldn't be a problem. then in come DR. Hellraiser. morning how you feeling pleasantries etc. i say bleeding scary, he says not to worry about it can be normal for labor. PHEW! slight headache and my BP is a little on the high side but still not unusual given my history. lay on left side to relive some of this.

Pitocin starts to kick my ass around 10am.  i ask for Epidural casue the back pain is not making me a nice girl i think i cussed out watson for not knowing i was having a contraction in one of those low growl voices like demon... scary scary cris.

10:30am Epi was a breeze the Dr. that placed it was super fantastic and was kind enough to stop my pitocin while i was getting the epi. Bless you kind man. 

shortly after that maybe 1 hour my Bp was up again, so back on my left side i went...

... then around 12:30 the baby had some decels and my uterus was contracting like crazy so they stopped the pitocin and put me on oxygen... tried to staycalm and not worry have the best Dr.s on the planet.

shortly after that they check me and i was 10cm and +2 baby was good to go water not broken but leaking. OK must call mom & Nan and tell them to giddy yup already or they'll miss it.

so now we find Dr. rockstar and tell him to come back (not me personally, as i couldn't walk was in labor and had an epi rememebr and certainly i had no cell service to call him.) he came over checked me,  ruptured my water, and said do you feel like pushing i said not really maybe in a few minutes.

he was like ok. i'm gonna grab a slice of pizza  i'll be back in a sec. Ok see you in 5 or so.

3 slices of pizza later i was ready to push... or i should say baby was crowning on its own. Drs. hellraiser & rockstar said i didn't need to wait for a contraction that i could just push and i did 1 small effective push and we had the head out OH baby. He was crying right away (yeah for good lungs) but the cord was around his neck loosly but all i heard was the cord is around the neck deliver through it... so i just concentrated on the crying i new that was good it meant the baby was breathing. one more small effective push and we heard... It's a boy! woohoot! cheers & tears all around. cord was also wrapped tight around his leg. watson cut his cord and my placenta delivered straight away again as the cord was getting cut i think.

beautiful perfect baby boy born on his own terms more or less. and his cry was the answer to many many prayers.

-- i haven't checked this for typos or errors it was hard to write but i will  someday just not now.

what's in a name

Owen Samuel Danger

What's in a name or more specifically what's in his name.

Watson and i had list of several names that we liked but in the end we settled on this name for a few reason. going to try and put some of it down here.

I/we wanted a name for this baby that had gravitas, weight and meaning... and it had to be fun and clever if possible.

Owen -- this was my Mom's surname.

The Name Owen: Its Origin and Legacy
By Jhood, published Dec 25, 2007

Owen is a Welsh or old Irish name derived from Latin Eugenius meaning "Well-Born". Owen is pronounced O-en, or OH-en. The first syllable has more emphasis. The name is a variant of Eugene, and Gaelic variant for Eoghan. The meaning of the name in Welsh is young warrior, in Celtic it means young fighter. The word Originated as a loan word borrowed by the Welsh from the Latin and Greek before 500A.D.

When were were Pregnant with Lucy, Owen Henry was our one & only name for a boy. Coincidentally O. Henry was what we joked we would call that little baby if it was a boy which it  wasn't it was our Olive Lucy instead. the real O Henry was born on Sept 11th -- OSD shares his birthday.

Samuel -- this name came to me on a whisper one day. i had been researching names and i love old names and was looking for just the right out of fashion name i wasn't having much luck... then came the whisper. I had noticed that most of our Docs had biblical or hebrew names, James, Paul, Hadar and Sammy. that last one stuck with me... Sam, Sammy,  Samuel i looked up the meaning.

his name means God, from God, of God

I/we feel this baby was a gift to us from the universe. he had been prayed for by many  from long before he was conceived.  he had been cradled in my womb on prayers and thoughts of a safe arrival.  the name fit. It was as if whatever had gone wrong with the universe the day Lucy died had been made right the day he was born. that and it made Dr. Sammy D Rockstar smile when we said Samuel was one of our name picks.  which was nice too but mostly it was the God & Universe thing.

DANGER -- um DUH very cool.

n.

1. Exposure or vulnerability to harm or risk.
   
2. A source or an instance of risk or peril.
   
3. Obsolete. Power, especially power to harm.
   

[Middle English daunger, power, dominion, peril, from Old French dangier, from Vulgar Latin *dominiārium, authority, power, from Latin dominium, sovereignty, from dominus, lord, master.]

actually this started as a clever little game between Watsy & I. Wats would say what about this name or that name... and i would make a face or laugh then i say what about Huckleberry Fion then he would make a face... and we would start all over again. when he offered up Danger it stuck. i liked it, he liked it, baby seemed to like it and it went with every name we put it with. so it was settled no matter it it was a boy baby or a girl baby Danger would be it's middle name.after all we had been through this past year. i figured Danger was  fitting name for this  little baby, it was a risk we took and  it paid off. so maybe having a risky middle name will keep him from harms way.

with a name that in part means warrior from God  i think we might be ok for now.

week 2

we had some milestones this week. if we were still Prego Tuesday Sept 23 would have been 39 wk 3 days for Poppy (aka Owen Samuel). the gestational age at which Lucy died. We knew from the start that we would never again carry to 39 wk 3 days. but some how it still was a scary day to make it through. I am not sure how to explain it. i know he is already born but i was still worried.

 Today OSD turn 2 wks his physiology is developing into an infant. I can't remember all the timeline but neonates are not "infants" so to speak they are still fetuses for a time. i think it is like 4 wks more a less.

Part of me was holding my breath until we hit that magical number of 39wk 3days... like if we made it past that then all the worry would disappear. not so much, still worried but i get that the worry doesn't go away.

I know i haven't posted his birth story yet but he came on his own with just the tiniest bit of help after i had already gone into labor on my own. I was not induced.  I am one of those "lucky" women who's children take pity on her and come a little early on their own. 

*sigh* i just wish that 39 wk 3 days wasn't always going to be a gestational age i fear.

newborn fun

i'm really silly and i was taking some silly pictures with the baby while he slept.
daddy i hope they make you laugh! we miss you.

today i eat, slept, pooped, and did it again.

some dangerous video... i hope.

he seems to be getting much stronger tries to hold his head up.

tummy time and lots of talking --i think it is talking.

he misses his dad and looks a little sad from time to time. 

anyway here you go me trying out my mom's video feature on her new camera...

Tummy time in the sun beam & a cute little fluffy g bum... 

more tummy time this is this early this afternoon.

enjoy! 

some things i don't want to forget

dangerous to leave momma alone while nursing she does silly things to my hair

i swear he has beautiful eyes... i just keep taking his pic with them closed.

i almost never smile in photos unless they are candid.

 i am happy don't let the expression fool you.

the other things  i don't want to forget.

When W & I work together we are unstoppable.

Wats is on a trip.  the circus offered him work in Boston for the week and as hard as it is for him to be away he is the only one working. the choice was sort of a no brainer. My goal this week is to journal each day so watson will have a record of this tiny magical little being that has consumed all our love and then some. My dad & mom are here to help out. 

OSD's umbilical stump fell off today, his circ. is healed and he had mini "bath" today rather than a wash cloth bath. he got his hair washed which was good because it was getting really oily. 

I think he has a cold. today he has been fussy and really only wanted to nurse or be held by me but i finally got him to really sleep around 8:30ish tonight and he is still sleeping and it is now 11:15 pm. so i suspect any minute he will wake up to eat.

these last few days have been tough. (i am not stupid i knew they would be) but i don't mean tough like i was unprepared i mean tough emotionally. i look at this tiny little baby and i realize that already he is different he is growing... my only other baby is frozen in time this baby is changing.

I have taken a photo of him each day since he was born. i hope to one day make a slide show for him that is him growing up. but right now i'll be glad if i remember to check my blood glucose   (like i forgot to do while i was writing this post!) 

but mostly i want to remember that i am a good parent, even when i cry or am sad i am still a good mom and i love this little boy, his dad and his sister more than air.

I miss you watson and i can't wait for you to come home so we can have some adventures with our tiny monster baby.